19 March 2009

It's been a while...

I've been just living day to day. I never know when I get up if it will be a good day or a rotten day. I still trigger on little tiny things, but they serve to once again remind me that he's gone and I have to go an alone. It's hard to get much enthusiasm built up to do much. Somehow it's just easier to curl up with a book or knit. I'm forcing myself to cook and eat. You'd think with no appetite, I'd lose weight, but nooo. Oh well.

I'm getting ready to go on a two week vacation. I don't really want to go and it's been really hard to get motivated to make the arrangements. Really, why would I want to go without him? BUT, the driving need to get away from work and Korea is driving me to make the arrangements and "get the hell out of Dodge" as it were. I'm also working on getting my next job assignment. That's one thing I'm really hoping for is that I can find a new assignment in a place that the DH and I never shared together. The memories are why I can't stay here and I can't go back to where we lived in the states BEFORE we came here.

One other thing...I finally got the ring that we had picked out together after I told him that I wanted a wedding ring for our anniversary. I was late ordering it because of all the mess associated with his transition. I'm glad I have it now. Once I get it engraved with our initials and the date we were married, it will never be off my hand again. The particular symbolism of this particular ring is not lost on me, and it actually makes me feel a little bit better seeing it there all the time.

Finally, I want to talk about friends...the true kind. The ones who stand with you no matter what. The kind that offer up little random acts of kindness (like the beautiful gift I found on my work desk today...a bouquet of orchids and a card). The kind of friends that will listen to you whine, or bitch and moan, laugh like an idiot or sob. I, daily discover that I am surrounded by friends and am truly grateful.

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