This is my LAST night in Korea. Tomorrow I fly to my new home in Hawaii. I will not miss Korea. The combination of work issues and the loss of my husband has left me with very bad feelings about my last three years. I feel as though I have wasted three years of professional time and lost the most precious thing I have ever had. Whether or not I am correct, that is the way I feel right now.
The giant anthill that is Seoul
I have been fortunate enough to make some very good friends here, and I will miss them dreadfully. They are the best part of where I worked and they are not appreciated nearly enough by the people who run the show over here.
I look at tomorrow as an ending AND a beginning. I feel as though I am standing on the brink of something that has enormous potential. It's not everyday that someone has the opportunity to start their life over (not from scratch, though, thank God). I am an unknown and I have the opportunity to remake my life and not have to deal with any preconceived notions on the part of my co-workers or neighbors. I have the opportunity to be exactly who I am becoming.
I was lucky. I was part of something beautiful. Now I have the opportunity to create new beauty that is wholly mine. Do not mistake me. I miss my darling husband every minute of every day, but the best thing I can do for him (and me) now is to make a beautiful life.
I can not hide myself away. I must seek out and savor new experiences, meet new people, and make more friends. Take delight in everything and be mindful that everything is part of a greater whole. One of my goals is to simplify my life. To eliminate those things that don't serve me, to reduce clutter, and to make a smaller imprint upon my world. I realize that it sounds like I'm planning to go "hippie" and that's not the case. I just want to pay more attention. I will enjoy good, fresh, healthy food. I will respect where that food comes from and the people who's efforts went into making that food. I want to waste less, and save more, and that includes time.
I want to expand myself. I want to learn new things. Perhaps I will learn to spin and dye my own yarns. Perhaps I will learn to dye my own threads for embroidery, or learn new cooking techniques. Perhaps I will complete my Masters...perhaps I will pursue even more education.
These various goals are all things that do not demand immediate answers or solutions. They only demand intention and attention.
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